Hawkerdus foodulum

"Hawkerdus foodulum is a well known disease, very common especially in tropical countries where food is abundant and varied. Symptoms include constant cravings for a poisonous food type called char kway teow, inability to resist second helpings and tendency to eat sambal or other chilli types. In serious cases, patients have also reported fondness for chicken rice, roti canai, and bak kut teh.

Remedy - there is no known cure for this disease and prolonged exposure appears to exarcebate the symptoms, resulting in increasing girth,"heatiness", sore throats, and in the worst cases, zits. Sufferers have the writer's sympathy and are advised to expand the universe of food that they consume to include fresh vegetables, and copious amounts of warm water and honey, and fruit juices".

By Tang Leng Lee

Am down with a fever and flu. Yes, I have been sick since I got back and cannot explain why. After a lengthy e-mail to Tang Leng, whining and moaning over bad health - blaming it on the weather, the air, the food, the people and everything else besides my well-balanced diet (of course), my very smart, witty and often sarcastic friend came up with the above diagnosis. Very Harry Potterish, eh? It's absolutely brilliant and I think ALL Malaysians have at one point or another been diagnosed with such a disease - in fact, some may spend their entire lives fighting it. Like me. BUT I would like to add that I'm really only addicted to sambal...and nasi lemak...and curry.